Chris:
Our core essence is what makes us uniquely us. Our guess today, is on a mission to help all of us discover what your true essence is. Join us.
Chris:
Welcome back to another episode of the Get Overit podcast. I am your host, Dr. Christopher Fasano. Before we begin, I just want to remind you the easiest way to get these new episodes is to subscribe on your favorite player or YouTube if you’re watching this. If you’re really enjoying the show, we’d appreciate it if you leave us a review on Apple Podcast. Leave us a five star review and tell us why you loved the show.
Chris:
And so, now on to our guest for today’s episode. Our guest for today’s episode is Lauren Tatro. I’ve gotten to know her through a professional relationship here at Over It. In my short time knowing Lauren, she’s a really excellent human. She’s going to talk to us about a lot of things she has going on. She is a very busy woman. She is a mother of two, she’s a wife. She’s a marketing executive, but that’s not all that Lauren does. She’s also a certified intuitive life’s coach, which I’m going to talk to her about how she got into that, what it means.
Chris:
She also is the founder and she created Discover Essenza, which is an Italian word. I’m going to ask her why she chose an Italian word, because randomly people don’t just choose Italian things, I think.
Chris:
She’s also an author who wrote a book, Truth Be Told, which I think will be coming out soon. She’s going tell us a little bit about that. Lauren, welcome to the show.
Lauren:
Hi, thank you. Thank you for having me.
Chris:
All right. That was good. I remembered a lot of those things. I found out that Lauren pronounces her name, Tatro, and I was saying it wrong all along. So this is good, it clarified some things.
Chris:
A lot of things I want to talk about, but I always ask the guest to start by introducing yourself. So why don’t you introduce yourself to the audience, where you’re from? Just a basic introduction to yourself, and then we can start talking about your journey to where you are now.
Lauren:
Absolutely. Well, you did a wonderful job with the introduction thus far.
Chris:
Thank you. Thank you.
Lauren:
I am a capital region born and raised gal.
Chris:
Okay, so you are. You’re here?
Lauren:
Yes. Yes. I grew up in Scotia, so borderline farm country, but close enough to still get groceries. I enjoyed that. We moved around a lot but all within five miles of each other. Switched schools a lot, but stayed local. I went to Sage College of Albany.
Chris:
So college here as well?
Lauren:
Yeah. Yep. I studied graphic design and business administration.
Chris:
Okay. All right.
Lauren:
And then, started working as soon as I could, always been working.
Chris:
Did you desire to leave the area? Or were you totally content being here, in the area?
Lauren:
I was pretty content.
Chris:
Okay. All right.
Lauren:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I had interest to travel, but I’m a homebody and I like knowing-
Chris:
Nothing to be like, “I’ve got to get out of here. I want to leave.”
Lauren:
Yeah, no urge. The city for a fleeting moment, I’m like, “Oh, I want to go to New York City because there’s good design schools.” But I’m like, “I would not survive.” I don’t like the city that much.
Chris:
Yeah. I know it well. You said, design, were you into design?
Lauren:
Yes.
Chris:
What were your hobbies or passions when you were … Before getting into your career, what did you really enjoy?
Lauren:
Yeah. Growing up I loved art and specifically, pencil drawing. I was really into drawing. My mom is a fine artist. My grandmother was. It’s always been there and-
Chris:
Okay. So art in your family a bit?
Lauren:
Very much so. I stuck with it and then I started to get into that space of like, “Hmm. What do I want to do with this, though?”
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
Like, “Where do I want to …” That’s where I started exploring graphic design. I started with graphic design, and then after two years, I was like, again, “Hmm. Do I really want a four year degree in this? Do I want to be a graphic designer forever, or is that just a tool that I want in my toolkit?”
Chris:
Is that what you did when you went to college? Is that where you started in, was graphic design?
Lauren:
Yes. Yeah.
Chris:
Okay, your degree, what is your degree?
Lauren:
I have an Associates in Graphic Design.
Chris:
Okay. All right.
Lauren:
Yeah. Yes.
Chris:
And now, I met you through as a marketing professional, you’re in the marketing world. How did that come about, right? I mean, how did it switch to that? I mean, there are elements to that obviously in marketing, there’s graphic design, and design and branding and things like that. Is that how that evolved?
Lauren:
Yeah. After about two years, I got into business, and started taking business courses. My passion is I quickly started to develop was really about connecting people with the right messages, evoking feeling from those messages. So marketing was always something that was just a buzz word.
Chris:
Exactly.
Lauren:
Everybody wants to do it.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
But you don’t really know what you’re getting into.
Chris:
It’s much more than that, right?
Lauren:
Yeah.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
Very, very much so. So I felt that combining the business with the design landed me in that space naturally. I really, really enjoy it because it’s really, there’s so many dimensions to marketing.
Chris:
There’s so many dimensions to that. People ask me a lot like, “You’re a neuroscientist. How the hell … I don’t understand why, what’s marketing?” I’m like, “Marketing is not, it’s just a word. The goal as marketers is to craft and to bring someone to something and ultimately, we’re trying to get you to do something.” And to me, if that isn’t neuroscience, then I don’t know what is.
Lauren:
Right.
Chris:
Because understanding how people think, and understanding what’s going on is at the basis of that and it’s the same thing in marketing.
Lauren:
Yes.
Chris:
Talk to me a little about the Genesis of your career, and then where’d you start your career? And then, I want to talk about your, this life coach idea. Because I’m really passionate about mental health, I really believe in … As a scientist, it’s bizarre because I made it a pivot in my life where I was very, “It has to be true. Everything has to be fact-based.” And then, I had this spiritual situation happen, and it took me in a road. So I’m wondering if it’s the same thing for you.
Lauren:
Same. Very much so.
Chris:
Okay. Before we get into that tell me a little bit about what was your first foray in your career? Where did you start?
Lauren:
Yeah. I’ve always worked. I got my first start at a state park, and I was just interacting with people doing ticket sales. And slowly, started to learn the office and accounts receivable and accounting, and was like, “Hmm. All right.” I just wanted to really try a whole bunch of different stuff. Because I didn’t really know what industry I wanted to land in, but I did get my first real job, I would say, in commercial real estate.
Lauren:
I was there for a little over a year and a half. I was in an executive assistant role, but I was also doing a lot of the marketing packages for tenants and prospects, aerial maps and all that fun stuff.
Chris:
Right. That started to put that together a little bit?
Lauren:
Yes. Yes.
Chris:
Okay. Yeah.
Lauren:
On the side, I was always doing graphic design.
Chris:
Okay. You didn’t let that go, that was always-
Lauren:
No. No. But I didn’t really put it on display. It was the kind of thing like, my friends, or people that were looking to start their own businesses, or I was doing promotional flyers for concerts and club nights and all these things at the time that were part of my life.
Chris:
That’s fun though.
Lauren:
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I really, really enjoyed that. But my whole goal through all that was just to really just stay curious and figure out what I wanted to do. Commercial real estate wasn’t quite it for me.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
I really wanted to make sure I felt connected to what I was doing.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
I took some time off. I left that job for a variety of reasons. But when I took a pause, I was unemployed for six months. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out-
Chris:
Figure out what it is.
Lauren:
… Who am I?
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
What am I? The great surrender.
Chris:
That’s very … What’s the word? That’s unusual I feel. People don’t do that. They don’t take that time and really go in a bit deep. Is that who you are as a person? Or is it just the time in your life where you felt like you needed to?
Lauren:
I had, I was faced with an ethical decision. I chose my values. So it was not a planned exit. I was just like, “Okay. I guess I’m leaving.”
Chris:
All right. Okay.
Lauren:
Terrifying. Terrifying. I didn’t realize how much I needed that.
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
When I look back, I wouldn’t change any of it. Right?
Chris:
Correct. Right.
Lauren:
And how much I needed to stay focused on what was going on inside. That just led to putting my hands up and saying, “Show me the way. Whatever this is, wherever I’m supposed to go, I trust this.”
Chris:
Wherever it goes I’m going to go.
Lauren:
And, I’m willing to stay focused. I did therapy during that time. I really focused in on who am I, why am I here? That curiosity has never really left me. It’s just evolved and taken different outlets throughout the path.
Chris:
And then, that took you to what was next for you?
Lauren:
Next, I went on to work for Time-Werner Cable. I worked there for four years. I loved that job. Really, that was my marketing role, my first marketing role. When I landed that, I was like, “This is it. I made it.”
Chris:
Okay. All right. Okay. You got it. All right. Great. Cool. Nice.
Lauren:
Loved it.
Chris:
Okay. Cool. Awesome. And then, is that where you end up, where you are today? I mean, after Time-Werner Cable or no? Okay. All right.
Lauren:
Yes. I took a job with Cap Com.
Chris:
Okay, and that’s where, that’s how I met Lauren, through that relationship. I want to now understand. You have this career path. You’re in one thing, like you said, something’s happened. I always say, “Things happen sometimes,” and whether you want it or not, sometimes you get forced out, and you have to then … When I look back on those things and I’m like, “You know what? I never would’ve left that place.” Or, “I might’ve languished there forever.”
Chris:
And sometimes, you just find yourself. You’re on this, and you have this really great path, but that doesn’t really, from what I know, that doesn’t really stop you from continuing to develop this passion that you have of looking inward and now helping others look inward.
Lauren:
Yes.
Chris:
So I want to understand a little bit where that came from. So talk to me about how you got on that path.
Lauren:
Yes. Okay. For my 30th birthday, my mom and I took a spiritual retreat to Italy.
Chris:
Aha.
Lauren:
It was with somebody that I know and adore. Her name is Deborah Hanlon and she’s an intuitive psychic.
Chris:
Wait a second. Time out. I just got the chills.
Lauren:
Yeah?
Chris:
Deb is like … Oh, my God. This is so weird. I know Deborah Hanlon. Deborah Hanlon had a tremendous impact on my life. This is very weird.
Lauren:
Yeah. I’m goosebumps now too.
Chris:
I have the chills, now, talking about this. Wow. I’m trying to figure out how. My wife, I’m not trying to take away from this story, but I think it’s related. My wife’s, her mom suddenly passed about now, six years ago. She was 52. She was very young.
Lauren:
Oh.
Chris:
Right after that, we went to go see Deborah. At the same time too, I was still in science, but very uncertain. This woman, I had these weird experiences at the time and this woman, never in my life have I experienced something like this with her. I’m like the guy from Lost, who was like, “You can’t. It’s all fact-based.”
Lauren:
Yeah, the total skeptic, which is her favorite by the way.
Chris:
She told me things that it was, first of all, impossible for her to ever know. And secondly, she told me at the time, what I was doing was wrong. She said to me like, “Wherever you are right now, you think it was … When you entered into that, it was right for you. It hasn’t been right for you for a long time. And you are going to go into the world of marketing.” She said this. I have the recording. And she said like, “Whatever that means, you’re going to go into that and you’re going to be so much more successful and happy in that regard. And if you don’t go into that, it’s a problem, and you’re going to email me when you do. You’re going to be like, wow, you were right.” I remember sending her the email.
Chris:
And the fact that she made me think about that, and it brought me to where I am today. And now, I’m sitting with you-
Lauren:
Here we are.
Chris:
And you’re telling me a story that got you on a journey and she was involved. That is some weird, wacky stuff.
Lauren:
Love it.
Chris:
Okay. [crosstalk 00:11:04]-
Lauren:
So there’s that.
Chris:
Okay. I want everyone to put … Okay. So you go to Italy and she’s there. So this is a retreat organized by her?
Lauren:
Yeah.
Chris:
That’s awesome.
Lauren:
I had a reading with her. I brought my mom for a reading. She wanted to connect with her parents who had passed. I love Deb. From the second we connected-
Chris:
She’s great. She’s just great.
Lauren:
She’s just a realist. It was funny, the first thing she said to me when we started talking, she was like, “Do you do logos?” And spoiler alert, I actually just did her logo. So when I look at how things unfolded-
Chris:
It’s so strange.
Lauren:
So I connected with her and that’s where I got really curious about energy work and intuitive development. Because I felt disconnected from like, “Who am I? What do I want? Why am I have no boundaries anywhere in my life? And I’m in dysfunctional situations, and I’m the common denominator.”
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
That was the awakening. Right? Is like, “Okay, I’m just going to absorb as much of this as I can.” And when she posted the Italy retreat, I sent a note to my mom like, “Mom, this is it.”
Chris:
We got to do this.
Lauren:
Like, “We’re totally doing this.” And we did. It was the equivalent of the most intense, amazing experience. It was an intensive, a week long intensive.
Chris:
Wow.
Lauren:
All day long, workshop, sessions, meditations.
Chris:
Where in Italy, by the way, was it?
Lauren:
We were in Umbria.
Chris:
Okay, yeah. Yeah. It’s beautiful. [crosstalk 00:12:20]-
Lauren:
Yeah. We had some day trips planned. We went to Rome. We were staying at this private villa. I mean I was like, “Am I dreaming? This is like-
Chris:
Wow. So you got to not only … It’s not only the experience of the actual workshops, but Italy has such a pace-
Lauren:
Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
Chris:
Or I don’t know, there’s something about it that lends itself to that sort of discovery.
Lauren:
Yeah. My nana, my mom’s mom was born in Sicily.
Chris:
Okay. All right.
Lauren:
So we have family out there that we haven’t really explored yet. But so I’ve always been drawn to want to go, and my mom was like, “Yeah.”
Lauren:
I would say that’s … It’s like cutting open a tree and you see the rings. Right?
Chris:
Yep.
Lauren:
That was one of the rings. That was a defining moment in my life that really allowed me to start tapping into my intuition and really get out of my head and into my heart a bit. Because that, I mean, you just can get lost up there. I mean, really.
Chris:
Yeah. I mean, and when you play the game that is professional life and career life and as a parent, and all of that, you, yourself, goes by the wayside.
Lauren:
Oh, yeah.
Chris:
I mean, it’s just classic. Right?
Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chris:
I’ve learned that too. It’s very important that you find out and you’ve got to continue to find out.
Lauren:
Yes.
Chris:
So you go there, you have this. You come back and now you want to continue to do this and look at it?
Lauren:
Yes.
Chris:
Okay.
Lauren:
Yeah. I, during one of my meditations, I had a vision for what is now my logo for Essenza. I just jotted down the image. At that time, I didn’t even know it was Essenza. During one of my deep meditations, I kept coming back to the word, essence, and that I had found my essence. I had discovered the thing that it’s not in my head, that’s not like who I am. I’m like, “I need to look this up in Italian, because I’m in Italy. This is it. This is the word.”
Chris:
That’s why the Italian. Okay. Now, I see that. I was going to ask her about that because it’s not random.
Lauren:
Yes. I discovered it in there. Yes.
Chris:
It can’t be random.
Lauren:
So discovering your essence, became what I wanted to not only continue doing for myself but to help other people that might feel stuck between their head and heart, and not knowing how to be still authentic and true to themselves through so many demands, because it’s ridiculous. The face of it is ridiculous.
Chris:
Yep. It is. And people will say, what do you find when people say this to you, or you’ve heard this, where it’s like, “I don’t have time,” is the biggest thing I hear. Like, “It’s not feasible for me.” Or like, “I don’t get it.” Like, “I got all the stuff. There’s not enough time. And I’m going to take a couple of … An hour out of my day to what you guys call, meditate or whatever.” People don’t … I think meditation scares people.
Lauren:
Oh, yeah. Very much so.
Chris:
I think I talked to Deb about this once. It’s not what people think.
Lauren:
Nope.
Chris:
How do you convey, what is your message to someone who feels like … Because everybody feels like that. I’m sure you do still, and I do as well, but what is it that you say?
Lauren:
My primary question is, “How’s that working out for you?”
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
That’s where I go. When I got into life coaching and learned there’s different gradients to coaching, I’m a high gradient coach, which means I’m going to be direct. I’m going to say it with empathy.
Chris:
Of course.
Lauren:
But I’m probably going to say the thing that you don’t want to hear but that you need to hear.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
If nothing changes, nothing changes. Right? That’s the saying.
Chris:
Yep. Correct.
Lauren:
And the reality is if you’re not looking to take a look at the variables at how you got to where you’re at right now-
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
Some people and this is part of during coaching and as I went through my certification and I started taking on clients, now I’m not for every client, and every client isn’t for me.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
And so, some of that comes down to coach-ability, where are you at in your life, are you curious to unlock some of these doors?
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
If you’re not curious, and you’re just waiting for something prescriptive, then you’re not going to get out of it the transformation that you’re seeking.
Chris:
Right. You have to be open to that. right?
Lauren:
Very much so.
Chris:
This is something I talked about with Deb too. Because I always was saying, she would say in terms of this mediums, “Anybody can do this. But you have to be open to it.” That’s the difference. It’s not so much it’s like, she’s like, “I don’t find myself to be.” Because when you meet this woman, she’s not like this … If you have a stereotype of these mediums who talk to “Ghosts” this is not this person.
Lauren:
Nope, that’s why I love her.
Chris:
She’s just a regular human.
Lauren:
She’s a real chick. Yeah.
Chris:
Normal human. But she’s like, “I’m no different. It’s just that when I’m at the grocery store, and I’m online and I’m there, I know that this person in front of me, this, she had someone pass and … Because I’m open to the energy.” And if you allow yourself to be open to the energy, it’s very scary, because all that energy will hit you.
Lauren:
Very much so.
Chris:
And so, I love … Let’s talk a little about energy, because this is something that I’m super into.
Lauren:
Me too.
Chris:
I really do believe that energy is everywhere.
Lauren:
Yes.
Chris:
I can feel energy in people. I have … It’s to my downfall sometimes. I’m too tuned in to people’s energies and I’m like, “Nah, I don’t know about that.”
Lauren:
Yep. Yep.
Chris:
I feel like I’ve always had that. Did you always have this feeling of recognizing energies?
Lauren:
I didn’t realize that I did until I started learning more about energy and really empathic abilities, which we’re all wired for.
Chris:
Right. Yeah.
Lauren:
It’s like you mentioned, it’s just a matter of being opened to it. How I came to it was the hard way, was trying to figure out why I was so anxious all the damn time. Right?
Chris:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Lauren:
And how do I manage this constant flow of somebody’s bad mood throwing me so off kilter and internalizing it so much I’m absorbing so many different energies around me. And where I really honed that, was in the working world. Right? Because there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that, and you’re surrounded at the time, in rooms of people.
Chris:
Yeah, at the time. Right.
Lauren:
Right.
Chris:
No, we did that. Yeah. Yeah.
Lauren:
Exactly. It’s this constant give and receive, and so is marketing in a lot of ways. Right?
Chris:
Yeah, right.
Lauren:
I just had to start to learn energy protection and knowing when I needed to say, “Okay, I’m only going to let certain things in right now.” I need to not give away my energy on a platter because people are just hungry for it. They see the light and they see that energy in somebody else, and it’s really easy to fall victim to … For me, I came from very chaotic environments when I was younger. So I almost became addicted to that.
Chris:
So you were wired to that chaos.
Lauren:
Wired to it. As much as it was uncomfortable, it was very comfortable at the same time.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
I had to learn over time that peace is not the same as loneliness. And this drama that was being created, I had a piece in it. The curiosity is what got me into that state of really understanding energy, and the energy centers in our body, and all of that exchange that’s happening, all that nonverbal communication’s happening all the time is directly tied to intuition.
Chris:
Correct.
Lauren:
And you can feel that in your body. Right?
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
Those are some of the things that when I put the word intuitive before life coaching, it’s more so I can tell if somebody is BSing.
Chris:
Right, yeah. You can sense.
Lauren:
You can feel it.
Chris:
Right. You can. You can.
Lauren:
And also, when someone has a breakthrough, same thing like we had, I’ll get goosebumps down one side of my body. So there’s resonance that happens. And that resonance, to me, is the indicator on where somebody’s at and whether or not there’s a block going on somewhere.
Chris:
Yep. I’ve always said that too. Again, maybe it’s sometimes too, it’s a detriment. But I’ve always had that ability to where I’m like, “No.” You know what I mean?
Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yep.
Chris:
But I would also then say, and I remember talking to my therapist who I had for the longest time, and saying like, “I don’t want to do that either. I also don’t want to be so dismissive of energy.”
Lauren:
Right.
Chris:
Because let’s just say for example, you are BSing me and you are telling me a whole bunch of lies, I don’t want to discount you as a person, because I don’t know what you’re going through that has made you feel like you have to BS me right now.
Lauren:
Yep. Absolutely.
Chris:
Because what I want to say to you is like, “Hey dude. It’s all good. You don’t have to give me that bunch of crap. I don’t care. Just talk to me like a regular … I’d rather get to know you as a person.” There was a time for me where I was using this ability as a way to be too good. Right?
Lauren:
Yeah. Slippery slope.
Chris:
And that’s the opposite of what I wanted to do with that ability. I talked to Deb about this. I don’t want to be dismissive of you because I feel like you’re BSing. I want you to stop BSing me and having a regular conversation. But if I’m going to come across like, “Eh.” Why would you want to then let your guard down. So how does one do that? How do we become more open to others even if we feel like there’s something there or it’s not really for us? Or do you? Do we just make the decision to move from there?
Lauren:
There’s a couple things. First and foremost for myself, I was that. So when I see it in other people, I-
Chris:
You were that person? Yeah.
Lauren:
Very much so. Very much so.
Chris:
Yeah.
Lauren:
So I understand it. I understand that now the circumstances that get us there are all different. But it allowed me to look at that as not an indicator of judgment, but to switch into the state of observation and say, “Hmm. That’s where the curiosity comes in.”
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
Not judgment. This isn’t good or bad.
Chris:
Right. Right. Correct.
Lauren:
But it is the degree of which the work we need to do. Right?
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
That helps me calibrate a little. “Okay.” When working with somebody, some people might need a full year of coaching. Other people, three months with a couple refreshers.
Chris:
Right. Right. It’s not just like it’s going to be like right. Right.
Lauren:
No. Yeah. It’s an evolution. I think part of that is recognizing when, for me, when I go to a place of judgment in my head, and I’m in my head too much, is where I have to come down and go to observation. For myself too, because I’ll catch myself in judgments on myself all day long. That ain’t helping anything.
Chris:
Yes. Yep.
Lauren:
Same with the exchange with other people because what you’re actually dealing with is somebody’s core fear. Right?
Chris:
Right. Yeah.
Lauren:
And what they’re showing you is a projection of that.
Chris:
Correct. Yeah. Right. I remember I had this friend in graduate school who was very, very into spirituality. I had this moment with him. This pushed me to another path where I was in grad school, I was stressed out and I was young. I was like, I thought I was, here I was in the PhD program for neuroscience and all this stuff and I was blah, blah.
Chris:
I remember, I was always to be very judgmental, again dismissing people of things. I remember there was this one experience I had where there was this professor, and he was always rude. At least, I thought, to me. I remember being in the elevator with him and I said something to him. He dismissed me and walked away. I said to my buddy, and I said, “You know what? I’m done with him. I try to be whatever and he’s always whatever, and I can’t.” I’m like, “Who the hell does he think he is?”
Lauren:
Right.
Chris:
My buddy said to me, “Did you know that he just lost his son, a couple of years ago?” Again, I’m getting these weird chills.
Lauren:
Yep. Left side.
Chris:
I’m like, he’s like, “Do you know that he lost his son a couple of years ago to a tragic whatever?” I remember my feeling there and being like, “Oh, my God. What an A-hole I am. I cannot believe …” I said, “I didn’t know that.” He’s like, “Right. You don’t know that.” That’s the problem.
Chris:
You think you know. You see someone and it’s all about you, how they’re acting to you. But do you know the suffering that, that man, can you imagine what that man is going through every single day of his life? Not only does he have to live with that, he has to interact with young people. His job is to be around young people. He doesn’t have his child anymore. I’m getting emotional thinking about it. But that was an awakening for me, because I said to myself, “I cannot do that.” I can’t do it because it’s not fair.
Lauren:
Absolutely.
Chris:
Because if someone judged me based off of something like that, it would be terrible. You have to be, but it takes a lot. That’s a mindset.
Lauren:
Oh, yeah.
Chris:
It takes a lot. And like you said, I’m sure for you still work on this, I catch myself doing it too. Is that something that you have conversations with people about like, “This isn’t going to be like oh, yeah, Chris, you’re good now.” Right?
Lauren:
Yeah.
Chris:
It’s a constant work. Right?
Lauren:
It’s the most important work you’ll ever do.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
And the ego can be tricky that way. Because it convinces us that we are this title or we this thing, and we have I all figured out.
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
But whenever you see that, and whenever I see that in other people, to me it’s a measure of their pain. Right?
Chris:
Correct.
Lauren:
That’s where I had to shift myself when I see it. And alternatively, when I’m projecting something at somebody and literally over time, because it happens every once in a while-
Chris:
It does.
Lauren:
… where I’m like, “Okay.” I’ll stop in the middle and be like this isn’t at [crosstalk 00:24:28] all what I’m trying to get across.”
Chris:
Right. I’ve got to bring this back a little bit. Right?
Lauren:
So vulnerability comes into play big time.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
I think people, that word gets thrown around a lot but staying curious to figure out why you’re showing up the way that you are and why you are receiving people that the way you are is a vulnerable exchange.
Chris:
Correct.
Lauren:
The easy route is to place a judgment on somebody and say, “Boot, no. That’s too uncomfortable for me.”
Chris:
Yes. Yes.
Lauren:
Instead of saying, “What’s going on in their world and why is this triggering something in me that’s making me feel like anybody has the ability to say or act like I’m not who I am?” Right?
Chris:
Yep. It requires a patience.
Lauren:
Very much so.
Chris:
That’s one of my things, for me. One of the best practices for me is my home relationships. I want to talk to you about, as a mom, I want to talk to you about that in a second. But practicing amongst relationship with my wife and my son, because those are people you’re around all of the time.
Lauren:
Oh, yeah.
Chris:
My wife is the complete opposite of me as a human, by design, I’m sure. But that also brings with it, it’s challenges because I progress and I withdraw in different ways. I can’t expect her to progress and do thing … She went through this terrible tragedy. By the nature of marriage, you’re up and you’re down together. And so then, I suffered along with that. I wanted her to progress at a rate faster than I thought she was progressing at. But she wasn’t ready to progress and so that was a challenge for me. But through that experience together, we’ve emerged better out of it. Because I had to learn, it’s that my son, watching him grow, he’s our only child. Watching him develop into someone with emotion and how to sort of … The best practice for that, I mean, it sounds like that. It’s not an experiment. You know what I mean?
Lauren:
Yeah.
Chris:
The best practice for me on that ability is that at home. Talk to me about with your kids, are you going to try to make them aware? Or try to impart some of this to them as they’re growing? I’m curious to know about that.
Lauren:
I have two kids. My daughter, Mia, is nine. She’ll be 10 in January. And my son, Gabriel, he’s three and a half. Two different dads. My daughter is this … In fact, when I got pregnant with my daughter, that really set me on this path of intuitive development. She is an extremely intuitive child. She sees spirit. Has connected with spirit.
Chris:
Wow, that’s impressive.
Lauren:
I’m like, I’ve got Deb Hanlon, I’m like, “Ooh, do you have kids’ classes?” Right?
Chris:
What’s going on?
Lauren:
I’m not sure. How do I hold space for her to explore this without projecting any kind of fear on the situation?
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
And also just understanding that where she’s going to go, I believe is already mapped out for her.
Chris:
Right. She’s going to go. Right.
Lauren:
Yes. My biggest thing, and this is parenting for me was, is still the hardest thing ever because there is no … As soon as you think you have something figured out, forget about it.
Chris:
Right. There’s not. Right. Yep.
Lauren:
And then, my son, who’s … My husband is ex-military. He worked for the Army for 10 years, a pilot, all these things. Very … He doesn’t understand anxiety.
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
He is very here and now.
Chris:
He’s very whatever … Yes.
Lauren:
Which I, that’s a super power sometimes. Right? I’m like, “Man I wish I could.” I lean on that. I’m like, “You’ve compartmentalized maybe a little bit too much here.” But I’m the other end of that spectrum, so where I’m wide open and feeling my way through all these things, he helps bring me back to reality sometimes a little bit, get grounded. And say, “Let’s really look at the threat here.”
Chris:
Right. Right. Correct.
Lauren:
“Are you creating that?”
Chris:
Threat analysis. Right.
Lauren:
Exactly. I’m like, “100% I am.” So he really helps balance that. My son is just a wide open cave boy. He is just full throttle. I’m waiting for him to love his mother. He loves me. But my girl is my love bug, and she still is.
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
She still loves to cuddle.
Chris:
And you’re like, “Hello, boy.”
Lauren:
And I’m like, “Give me a kiss.” And I feel like he feels my neediness, which was, it’s something even my husband early on would play it cool. Play it cool, because he’s just an even keel guy. My son is just … It’ll be interesting to see how he develops because he’s extremely smart, and sees patterns. His mind is very, very sharp. And then my daughter is an artist and free flowing.
Lauren:
So at any given time-
Chris:
Right. You have … Yeah.
Lauren:
You pull from each end of that spectrum. In some ways, I love that. Because one day, you can be over here, and the other day you can be over here, but still creating a sense of stability for them to just be who they are without any type of hangup or expectation on outcome. That’s been one of the biggest lessons in that be patient kind of vein is if you get really hung up on outcome, then you’re losing yourself, not in a good way, in how you get there. And when you get there, you’re never going to feel like you got there.
Chris:
Right. Exactly.
Lauren:
The clock starts over and you’re chasing something else, and you miss the journey.
Chris:
That’s the whole key.
Lauren:
Yes. That’s the key. My husband says to me, we have this inner joke, which is in my book. He says, “Don’t forget to chew your food.” That’s always my reminder that when you’re scarfing down life, and you’re in pursuit of the next thing, and you could feel … That drive is great. It’s wonderful. It served me well in a lot of ways. But as you mentioned earlier, is the recipe for burnout.
Chris:
It is.
Lauren:
For losing yourself, for not understanding what motivates you and why.
Chris:
And then, what is it for? Right?
Lauren:
Exactly.
Chris:
What is it for? I’m like you grind out, you get there. You’re making money, you have these things and you can’t physically and mentally be there.
Lauren:
Not at all.
Chris:
I feel like when people hear this they’re like, “Oh, here we go again.” But it’s true.
Lauren:
It is.
Chris:
Ask anybody that grinds out. At a point, you have to say to yourself, “Wait a second.” Takes the … And bring it back to my son in coming home. I will find, especially through this pandemic, for him, for everyone who was there, you were isolated and very, very … And-
Lauren:
The ultimate test.
Chris:
Yeah. You forget that those kids, your kids, how you’re behaving, how you’re acting, what you say, how you say it, they pick up on all of that.
Lauren:
All of it.
Chris:
And you’re influencing their behaviors, because they don’t know. Especially when you live and you’re isolated how we are, and I would forget that sometimes. I would be so picky on him because I have this idea. Sometimes my wife would remind me. Once, he did to me. He said, “Dad, I feel like you’re being very whatever, hard on me, or being whatever with me.” I’m like, “Mike, You know what? I’m sorry. I have been.” I feel like a kid, your kids can be a good reminder sometimes.
Lauren:
Oh, they’re a mirror.
Chris:
I’ve had a weird way of my life. Right?
Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chris:
I’ve failed and I’ve won. I’ve failed and I’ve won. But I have an opportunity now, this is my opportunity to not set somebody in the right way, but be supportive.
Lauren:
Absolutely.
Chris:
My only thing I really try to do really is create a situation where there’s openness. Where if they’re feeling a certain way, we can talk about it.
Lauren:
Yes. Absolutely. Yes.
Chris:
No matter how bad it is or what it is because my parents were, they were that, but they were still some old school. It was rule by … You know?
Lauren:
Yeah.
Chris:
There are boundaries. Like with your husband, things are strict, but this is a place where we can all talk about how we feel. That’s in the end if that happens, I’m okay with that.
Lauren:
Absolutely. Yeah, very, very much so.
Chris:
I want to talk about your book before we end. So tell me, did you always want to write something?
Lauren:
No.
Chris:
No. Okay.
Lauren:
No. In fact, I never considered myself a writer. Over time, it was just I had all these deep feelings and thoughts, and I’m like, “Where do I put these?”
Lauren:
I got to a point where unless I was actively coaching with somebody or mentoring, and a lot of people now, I don’t have the capacity to take private clients currently, so I just do a lot of mentoring. I weave this into my every day working life. I started to feel like I needed more of an outlet. So I started Discover Essenza blog, first. And actually, coming up one year on that at the end of this month.
Chris:
Wow.
Lauren:
And I started, it was funny, every once in a while, I’d say probably two or three times in the history of my life it would pop in my head or my spirit, whatever, saying, “You’re going to write a book.” That’s the intuitive piece. It would show up as a fact.
Chris:
It’s there, you’re like, “Nah.”
Lauren:
Like, “Uh, you can’t run from me.” I’m like, “Yeah, okay.” Right?
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
That just became … And then, over time, I’m like, “Yeah, I think I am.”
Chris:
Going to have to write this book.
Lauren:
I’m going to have to write this book. I am somebody that, there’s obviously a lot out there on law of attraction and goal setting and all these things.
Chris:
Of course.
Lauren:
When I put something out there as a fact, I have the mindset of, “Well, I wrote a book. I just need to write it.” Right?
Chris:
Right. Right. Exactly.
Lauren:
It’s a done deal. I just need to write it.
Chris:
You already have the book. You already have the book.
Lauren:
At the same time, not putting myself in a container to say, “It has to be done by this date.” Because the nature of this book is deep, but it’s also … I like to blend the deep intuitive side with logic because I meet somewhere in the middle where I feel that struggle on a daily basis. And for me, this book is really breaking down the phases of transformation. Right?
Chris:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Lauren:
Some of those moments, all the moments of truth in the book that were seeded in me along the way, and then evolve. So it’s very much equal parts my story, but more so focusing on the reader and exploration.
Lauren:
It’s like if I could put all of my coaching skills into a book, that somebody could just pick up and maybe they don’t want to sign up for coaching yet, this is their guide.
Chris:
This is their guide.
Lauren:
This is their way to dig deep and to explore. So I’m about halfway done with it. But it’s one of those things where things come into my life and art’s the same way, where I’ll have a period of time where I’m not doing any art. And then, I feel the calling.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
And then I feel the calling.
Chris:
And then you come to it. Right.
Lauren:
And then I’m like, “All right. I’m back.”
Chris:
Which is a process for I hear a lot of authors that write that it’s like, “You go and then it’s like hmm.”
Chris:
So tactically, can I ask you? Do you have, because people might say, like you said like, “I have something to write. But I don’t know how the heck to structure it.” Did you start just by, are you just typing? Are you outlining? What’s your logistical tactics to writing?
Lauren:
Yeah. I started, I did a lot of hashtag research on Google, but really focused in on, “Okay, how do I want to frame the book?” And so, it’s a four part book. Because I started going to space, I’m like, “Oh, my gosh. Look it. All these chapters, right.” I’m like, “This is a lot of chapters.”
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
But there’s overlap in them. So I chunked it up into a framework of four parts. Just about done with part two. It’s really, each of the parts, it’s a different phase of transformation. So it’s the kind of thing where who isn’t ever going through some phase of transformation? Very much so.
Chris:
This is from your … This is about you?
Lauren:
I write. It’s the first part is about myself, the journey that I went through.
Chris:
Correct.
Lauren:
The history in that to create that baseline of understanding.
Chris:
Right. This is … Right.
Lauren:
That this isn’t just some flip a switch and you wake up magically better.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
There’s a lot of pain there.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
Working through that and putting that into words also helps me process. Right?
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
So fine tuning that, reworking that and then getting into the stage of, “Okay, now it’s time to talk about you.” Right?
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
And here’s the question, the key part.
Chris:
So humanizing like, “This is my pain.”
Lauren:
Very much so. Like, “Who is Lauren? And why should I?”
Chris:
Right. Exactly. Like, “I’m not immune to any pain. Everybody feels that way.”
Lauren:
Very much so.
Chris:
Are you scared or were you scared to put that out a little bit for people? You’re in a professional world. Sometimes we feel like we’ve got to whatever, but we’re all real people. We all have things. I don’t know what’s in the book, so I’m not going to suggest that you have these revelations, but I’m saying it’s still baring yourself as a human.
Lauren:
Very much so. Yeah.
Chris:
How did that feel at first?
Lauren:
I feel like we’re in this interesting, what I would call, paradigm shift between maybe the way companies were run or the way leadership styles were held up versus this newer age energy that wants to show up as the human.
Chris:
Right.
Lauren:
And so, of course there’s fear in that.
Chris:
Right. Of course.
Lauren:
But you know what? Any time that fear shows up, that’s my biggest indicator that I’m onto something.
Chris:
Right. Right. Exactly. That’s your whole thing. Right?
Lauren:
Yeah.
Chris:
If you were to run from that you would be completely contradicting everything.
Lauren:
Yeah, and it would be chewing at me forever.
Chris:
Right. Right.
Lauren:
So I’ve just, and certainly I feel that out, to me the coaching and the mentoring that I’m doing on a daily basis, this encapsulates that. If it’s something that, if I can help even one person in any way find that aha moment, and maybe they can’t afford to go on a retreat to Italy. But they still are curious to figure this out, then that’s more closely tied to why I’m really here. The connection, the marketing tools, and all the things I’ve learned along the way are fantastic. I still have a level of professionalism that I show up with. My voice is very authentic in my writing. I’ve just had to get to a place of just being okay with being exactly who I am. If that makes somebody else uncomfortable, we’ve got to talk about it.
Chris:
Right. Why?
Lauren:
Let’s talk about it.
Chris:
The question is why are you feeling uncomfortable?
Lauren:
Absolutely. That has led to really good discussions.
Chris:
Of course. It does. You’ve got to, [inaudible 00:38:34] you’ve got to be comfortable in the discomfort.
Lauren:
Yes.
Chris:
That’s you have to be able to live in discomfort. I always say that. When people say to me like, “I’m so uncomfortable.”
Lauren:
Don’t run.
Chris:
I’m like, “That’s okay.”
Lauren:
Yeah, that’s a good sign.
Chris:
It’s all good. That’s great. So let’s be uncomfortable together, and then if you’re uncomfortable together, now you’re comfortable.
Lauren:
Absolutely.
Chris:
That’s the way it rolls, but you have to, the willing parties have to be … They have to be able to get over that part. Let me tell you, it’s all … I do this with my son too. He gets anxious or he gets like, “I’m nervous.” I’m like, “That’s totally fine. Let’s talk it out.” And then you talk it out, and then I’m like, “You see now? You’re comfortable.”
Lauren:
Exactly.
Chris:
Right. He’s like, “Oh, but I’m not there.” But I’m like, “But it’s fine now.” Right?
Lauren:
Yeah.
Chris:
People want to go and check it out, the blog and things like that, where can they go?
Lauren:
Laurentatro.com.
Chris:
That’s easy. Laurentatro.com.
Lauren:
Tatro.
Chris:
This has been a lot of fun for many reasons. I know you, but I don’t know you. So this is great to get to know you.
Lauren:
I love it. That went so fast.
Chris:
I can’t, I still have chills about Deb.
Lauren:
Kind of mind blowing. Yeah.
Chris:
Because everybody needs something at some point, I feel like. And she really was one who pushed it. People are probably like, “Who is this woman?”
Lauren:
She’s going to be at the Omega Institute at the end of this month. My mom and I are going for the weekend retreat.
Chris:
Really?
Lauren:
Yeah. It’s called, Behind the Vail, and it’s on Halloween weekend.
Chris:
Wow.
Lauren:
So we’re going to go for a couple of nights. But yeah, she’s wonderful.
Chris:
Before we close, there was this … I’ll just tell this quick story and then we can close. My wife, right after her mom died, she went up into her room at her house where her mom lived. This was two weeks after her mom passed, and I was there. She came downstairs and she looked, proverbial like she saw a ghost, and I’m like, “Are you all right?” She’s like, “You know, I swear I just saw my mom in the doorway in her nightgown.” I’m thinking to myself-
Lauren:
Ooh, total goosebumps. She did.
Chris:
I’m thinking to myself, I’m thinking to myself like, “Okay. She’s going through a lot.” Because this was still the pre-me, the pre- new me. I’m like, “Whatever.” So I’m like, “It’s okay.” Like, “Maybe, I’m sure you did.” Like, “Maybe, whatever.”
Chris:
So we go. My first experience with Deb. We’re sitting down, the two of us, and we’re having these conversations and she’s bouncing back between me and her. All of a sudden she stops and she looks at my wife, and she goes, “Your mom wants me to tell you that, that was her in the doorway. That was her that you saw.” I’m getting chills right now.
Lauren:
Oh, head to toe.
Chris:
And my wife had started hysterically crying. I remember thinking to myself, “There is no way. The only person in the world that knows that is me and her.” You can’t get that from Facebook. You can’t get that anywhere. The level of detail there, and that opens me up. I guess where I’m closing with this is you have to be open.
Lauren:
Absolutely.
Chris:
And you have to be willing to go there. So thank you so much for doing this.
Lauren:
Thank you.
Chris:
Appreciate it.
Lauren:
What an awesome conversation.
Chris:
Thank you.